• I cannot communicate with my parents they never fucking listen. My mom is always fucking right and skips so much information because she believes that everyone understands what she says. Whoever doesn’t is stupid and absolutely out of their mind. When I try to explain why I need the omitted information, I am shunned, ignored and further repeated as to why my question is stupid and why I will never be good enough for her. My dad sees arguments and heated discussion as trouble and wants to avoid it but if we never dicuss or talk about shit that needs to be talked about, we’re never going to get through anything. It’s just fucking ridiculous. It’s something simple, yes. Maybe something that does not need to be argued about, yes. But guess what, cause we never fucking finish talking about our previous issue, and we never get over how angry we are over our previous argument that we continue over something just as stupid. we argue over stupid shit. We are just constantly angry at the fact that we never get to finish being angry with each other. How the fuck am I supposed to want to live with you people! I now remember why I went all the way to Taiwan & why I can’t fucking live with my parents. I remember why I ran. It’s only been 2 fucking days and I can’t stand it. I want to constantly stab myself. 

  • Talking to my parents stress me out. I feel like it takes everything in me to stay alive when I talk to them. I feel like I’m being choked and strangled. I can’t breathe. I get tired and headaches. I want to vomit and cry at the same time. I feel like someone’s wringing out my arms and the skin on my legs are being grated off. I feel gross. I feel like I’m put on the spot on a really big stage but there is no audience. Just a dark sea of maroon coloured seats and the curtains won’t close. I keep pulling the ropes but they won’t close so I start to manually drag them shut but instead I rip them off and all I can do is sit amongst a pile of humongously large red curtains… 

  • So I’m there again. I’m where I want to kill myself so that I stop feeling this way but then I’m too afraid to actually do anything. And then I start testing myself. I keep talking to myself and it’s all negative. No one would care if I was dead anyways - don’t let anyone have the comfort of knowing they have one less person to care about. Do they care about you? If they did, they’d be sad you were gone. But it’d only be momentarily cause everyone has lives and you don’t Yvonne. No one gives a shit. It goes in cricles, I try to be happy and then I become really really really sad. I don’t know what I want and I don’t understand what I’m feeling. I should be happy. I’m doing all these things and I should be happy. But I feel disgusting and horrible. I want people’s attention and then I hate myself that I want people’s attention, I’m so dependant on others. I want to be happy. I want someone so badly. I want to be held and hugged. I want to cry. Or I don’t. I don’t know. I’m not sure of anything. I’m trying really hard to do things. I thought I was happy. I’m tired, I’m jealous, I’m revolting, I’m angry? I’m exhausted. I want someone here with me. I feel like barfing everything out. I feel repulsive. Someone hug me. 

  • So it’s my birthday today but I’m stuck at home cause mother nature decided to gift me a typhoon in Taiwan. I now remember why I love cooking so much. It just takes up so much time and you can eat it afterwards. It’s like your time wasn’t wasted and you were able to create something amazing with your time. Sadly, I don’t have a kitchen here. So I’ve litterally just sat here for hours listening to music and somewhat work out from time to time. 

  • I guess it doesn’t matter where you are. If you’re unhappy - you’ll be unhappy wherever you are. Didn’t know I could be unhappy halfway around the world as well… I thought if I was away from home things would change. 

  • I wish my inner voice would shut up. I feel like shit again. I get such highs and lows it’s really exhausting. 

  • I have a feeling that…

    I’m going to go crazy one day and set fire to a ton of things, rip up everything in my way and cut everything. I have this terrifying feeling that I’m just keeping everything in right now and one day I’m going to explode and do terrible things.

  • You know what’ll make me really happy? If you bought my textbooks for me as gifts LOOL! That’d make me REALLY happy cause they’re so freaking expensive! And I won’t even be using the whole thing. I guess the price will motivate me to read it all… D: